No-one asked me if I supported Dornberger…

…and since no-one did, here’s my chance to butt into something that doesn’t pertain to me (I’m quite good at this).

An article appeared on bowl.com today titled “Bowling Industry Supports Dornberger’s bid for WTBA president”:

http://www.bowl.com/articleView.aspx?i=13418&f=1

I like that Dornberger is basically elected president before the election on the 29th of August, because the entire US Bowling Industry basically endorses him.  But who is this guy?  Another guy with connections like every one of Dalkin’s cronies?  He is the VP of the FIQ right now, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s less or more qualified than any other bowler – he just happens to have his name thrown in the hat.

But what I really don’t understand is this quote from Storm CEO Bill Chrisman:

“…Kevin has a tremendous passion for our sport and is our best chance to facilitate bowling’s entry into the Olympic Games”.

I completely disagree. No, not about his “passion” for the sport of bowling, the other part. The FIQ has been recognized by the IOC since 1979 – that’s 28 years – as the world governing body of bowling. What is so special about 2007 that bowling will finally become an olympic sport?  Why didn’t this happen in 1984? 1992? 2004?

Also, why is bowling recognized as an olympic sport, but not a sport on the official olympic program? Who is to say that this Dornberger cat is going to make one iota of difference?  Just because he’s going to be the president of the WTBA?  Clearly the IOC doesn’t give a shit who’s president – unless Dornberger somehow has connections with the IOC (which I highly doubt).

I think bowling simply “sucks” in the eyes of the IOC.  I really don’t see any other reason why it’s not an olympic sport that’s actually played in the summer olympics.  I mean, here is a list of the current sports that are competed at the olympics:

Aquatics
Archery
Athletics
Badminton
Baseball
Basketball
Boxing
Canoe / kayak
Cycling
Equestrian
Fencing
Football
Gymnastics
Handball
Hockey
Judo
Modern Pentathlon
Rowing
Sailing
Shooting
Softball
Table Tennis
Taekwondo
Tennis
Triathlon
Volleyball
Weightlifting
Wrestling

I don’t think anyone can argue that bowling could very well be included on this list…EXCEPT for the fact that pins, lanes, lane oil, and bowling balls are primarily manufactured by United States companies. I’m just guessing here, but that has to be a problem. Look at basketball – the court dimensions are different, the rules are different, and even the ball used is different between what the NBA and “American” basketball plays by vs. what the Olympics play by. So is Ice Hockey, Softball, and Boxing, that I know for a fact. Is bowling? I highly don’t think so.

But that’s neither here nor there.  I say fuck the Olympics.  Yes, you read that correct, F-U-C-K the Olympics. No-one here in this country cares about the Olympics, so why should bowling? We should let the Olympics come to bowling, and not the other way around. The Olympics was barely watched in 2004 here, and isn’t really all that important.  We don’t give two shits about which country wins more Gold Medals in Equestrian competition (we apparently also don’t give a shit about bowling either), so why even bother?  What will Olympics do for bowling anyways? Promotion / marketing? Bowling can’t market themselves out of a wet paper bag – attaching the stupid 5-rings logo to the USBC or PBA logos won’t do a damn thing. Neither will blowing it up on bowling websites if it were to happen.  People in this country still wouldn’t give 2 shits from Sunday about bowling.

Also, it wouldn’t be fair to the rest of the world if PBA players were allowed to compete in the Olympics. They would all be competing for 2nd place, because American bowlers would absolutely rock the face off of any other country’s bowlers. Guys like Mika and Amleto and Osku Palermaa (sp) are once in a generation type international bowling stars. They stand virtually no chance against America’s top players – especially in any kind of team event. Can a team of WRW, Weber, Bohn, Barnes, and Tommy Jones be beat by any other 5 in the world? I highly doubt it.

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I’ll give you your freaking status.

So, USBC President Jeff Boje decided to tell us his life story:

 http://www.bowl.com/articleView.aspx?i=13412&f=1

 My reaction was probably similar to yours: “Ehh….”

Like, dude.  We don’t give a shit about how we shouldn’t judge you, and how we shouldn’t think that you want the BPAA to take over the USBC…or how your parents own and operate a bowling center (that you grew up in).  Presidents, Vice-Presidents, and Executives are better not seen and not heard.

It’s as if his entire post today was to somehow convince everyone that he’s doing the best he can, and basically begging on his knees for everyone to respect him and treat him fairly.  Like i’ve said in an earlier post, you do not get the benefit of the doubt on this blog.  Stop trying to set your membership up for failiure, and just fail.  Or, you can rule with an iron-fist – at least that would be cool to watch.

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Voss is not Boss.

I keep hearing a lot of talk about everyone wanting Brian Voss to become the next commissioner of the USBC.

 Uhhhh…..WHAT?

Brian Voss is quite possibly the worst possible candidate to be USBC commissioner.  First of all, what type of leadership experience does he have?  “Well he was in the military”, some of you may say.  That’s not enough. 

But second, and most important, he has dug himself a large hole as being far too controversial to even seriously warrant consideration for holding “the high chair”. Controversy, ridiculous comments, unfounded conspiracy theories, and the like are best left to people such as myself and Larry Litchstein. You simply cannot post on the PBA message board, petitioning to “ban” all reactive resin / particle bowling balls.  That’s not your place (if you want to be commissioner).  You also can’t wag your finger at the camera with your mug right in front of it saying “Ban sanded bowling balls” (not a direct quote, but something to that effect vs. Chris Loschetter in the PBA World Championship a few years ago).

To be a commissioner, you need to be fair, diplomatic, and never, EVER, lose your cool, even before you are commissioner (years before). Brian Voss is 0-3 here. I also think he’s unprofessional.  You don’t like the way things are going?  Bite your fucking tongue, or take matters up behind closed doors. You know exactly what you are doing by making comments into the camera and posting on the PBA message board. On another personal note, I think you got exactly what you deserved – losing your exemption, and it was sweet how it happened, too.

Let’s wake up people – Brian Voss is NOT a good candidate for any executive position in bowling. But go ahead, promote / hire him, I’ll have mountains of new stuff to bitch about

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Groupies = Ratings!

PBA Message Board member Katman2000 hits the nail on the head when opening up this post:

http://forum.pba.com/ultimatebb.cgi?/ubb/get_topic/f/1/t/005375.html

Which asks the question: “Are there any hot groupie girls active on the PBA Tour?”

This is fundamentally important, as it’s the third most important and sought after thing in organized sports. When a young man (who’s hit puberty) starts dreaming about becoming a sports star, he thinks of three things:

1. Money
2. Fame
3. Girls

If the PBA tour had some high-quality groupies that hit on PBA players, the PBA would see a drastic surge in attendance, sales, participation, and off-the-lane scandals.  That’s it, that’s what they need, an off-the-lane scandal, like when Brian Kretzer had his hit & run incident during the 2005 US Open that the PBA desperately kept under wraps.  (As of today I have 15 Subscribers to this blog, so the word is out now suckers!). We need someone like Tommy Jones or Sean Rash or even Mike Machuga to bang a hot groupie, and possibly impregnate them.

I mean, this IS your grass-roots program. Throw money around like Pacman Jones makes it rain, get hot women knocked up, which leads to notoriety (or being notorious, either way it’s better than what you have now). I love this idea.  There should be at least 1 story of a player fucking a groupie chick on the road during every event of the season, without fail. 

Extra PBA season points if the PBA player is married, and double points if he has kids. Make that triple the points if the wife finds out, causing a domestic dispute involving the police. If a player knocks one of them up and needs to hold a press conference with his wife, apologizing to the world about it, then that player is exempt next season.

Now the question becomes “How do you get hot sluts inside of a bowling alley?” A valid question, but answered easily: Pay Them. Pay some hot chicks to not only sit front row during a telecast, pay them to do whatever they have to do to get a National Touring Player to knock them up. Then, the PBA’s marketing department needs to blow it up all over the internet.

Let’s go PBA, make it happen – this is your best grass-roots program!

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Stop Whatever you are doing right now and read this!!!

http://www.bowl.com/articleView.aspx?i=13387&f=1

Stop the presses! Alert the actual media! A stupid bowling cart is taking an almost 2,000 mile trip from Texas to Reno, Nevada.

Morons. That’s it - for every stupid thing I see done, I will post a blog that records it, just in case you decide to erase the posts after you realize how stupid you people are.

 I think USBC Executives should have to walk from Texas to Reno to earn their stripes, instead of getting networked in by their buddy-buddies.

More Tomorrow…

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So who’s left? A look, “exbowler” style

So now that Dalkin, Broyles, and Kuhn are all GONE (what the hell took you people $$$00000 long?), I asked myself “who’s left?”. 

Let’s take a look at the list, found here:

http://www.bowl.com/aboutUSBC/board.aspx

And no, I didn’t spend hours doing research about each person.  This is my blog, I do what I want to. If I know or see anything about each of these person’s bios, i’m going to comment on it. If not, i’ll probably comment on it anyways.

Jeff Boje
President, Chairman of the Board
Comments: He’s a former CPA. I also don’t get the thought of “he’s a good ‘ol boy” like i did whenever I looked at Dalkin’s mug, so maybe there’s some hope.  But, you never know, and on this blog, you don’t get the benefit of the doubt.

Darlene Baker
Vice President
Comments: She looks like someone I used to bowl with. Maybe I did, who knows. She’s a former director of finance and administration, which makes the 2nd top executive now who is supposed to be good with money. This is either great news for every USBC member, or prepare to be nickel and dimed to death.

Tamoria Adams
Director
Comments: Ehhh…i’m not too confident here. She has an ambiguous title, and she doesn’t seem to have done anything else that didn’t involve Charlotte, North Carolina. What exactly is she supposed to do?

Gary Anderson
Director
Comments: Again with these directors!  And again, a financial (tax) expert.  So they have their CPA, their economics / finances expert, and a tax expert.  Either the USBC’s financial portfolio will rise from the ashes, or in 2 years they’ll all be indicted in a large money-laundering fraud.

Diandra Asbaty
Director
Comments: Ok, i KNOW you don’t do shit. But you’re by far the hottest and prettiest of the group, so stick around, will ya? Post your email address on my blog too if you don’t mind. I promise you i’m actually one of the good guys.

Tommy Lee Baxter
Director
Comments: The never-ending list of directors who probably don’t do jack continues with a guy named Tommy Lee.  Do I really have to go into an explanation?

Andrew Cain
Director
Comments: Check his ID! Anyone young enough to still be in college should not be the director of anything but getting drunk.  But hey, props to you…dude…

The rest of this list of people is filled with “Director…Director…Director…Past Director…” and so on.  It’s also filled with horrible headshot photos.  I would have personally paid the USBC to have hired a competent photographer for this. Can you at least “photoshop” Dorin-Ballards eyes?  Jesus Christ…

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Roseann Kuhn Hangs it up!

They’re dropping like flies!! YES!!!

http://www.bowl.com/articleView.aspx?i=13377&f=1

This is awesome.  Last month Dalkin, two days ago Broyles, and now Kuhn! 

Wow…maybe I don’t even need to have this blog anymore, as soon as I start posting, USBC old farts start retiring!  Maybe they just don’t want to face my e-wrath?

Again everyone, congratulations.  The old guard is finally leaving after years and years of misery.  The USBC now has a chance at survival…unless they promote more inept old people to replace them – let’s hope that doesn’t happen.

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I really hate Jan Schmidt.

You will notice that throughout this blog that I will very rarely talk about players or fans.  But i will talk about executives, announcers, and management.  A lot.

You will also learn that i hate Jan Schmidt, quite possibly the worst bowling executive of all-time.  She was the Marketing Director for the PWBA.  Here’s a summary of what she did during her tenure:

1. Nothing.
2. There was a PWBA event right down the street from me during her reign of ineptitude and I didn’t even know about it – AND I was in the bowling industry at the time.

For a lack of a more verbose explanation, she bothers the shit out of me.  She also bothers me as an announcer – I can’t take it when she shoves the word “ATHLETE” down my throat repeatedly. Yes, Jan, I get it, I understand your stance on whether bowlers are athletes or not, stop fucking up the telecast with it.

Then, because apparently getting a job as a USBC executive is about who you know and who you’re networked with, and not how qualified or good you are, she gets appointed to be USBC’s marketing director when the USBC first formed.  WHAT THE HELL are you people thinking? Oh I know, you’re not thinking, otherwise you would have sent her packing.

Memo to all bowling organizations: Stop using Jan Schmidt for anything other than a doormat.

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Finish This Already.

Have you been on the PBA.com site lately?  Check out the image towards the right hand side of the page.  It goes here:

http://bowlspace.com/finishwork/index.html

Now I understand it’s the off-season, so they’re looking for a way for people to get involved with the PBA in between seasons, but give me a break.  What kind of Mickey Mouse stuff is this?  Post your choreographed post-strike celebration?  Retarded.  My favorite comment about this whole thing comes from the post on the PBA Message Board by “MTEAGLE2147″:

http://forum.pba.com/ultimatebb.cgi?/ubb/get_topic/f/26/t/007185.html

 He says, “maybe the winner of the contest should be EXEMPT next year “.  I literally LOL’ed at that – maybe because I know the PBA is retarded enough to consider actually granting an exemption to the person with the best “finish work”.

Oh, and don’t get me started on the Exempt Tour.  Wait…this is MY blog.  Please, someone get me started on the Exempt Tour, as I have Uber-amounts of bitching to do about it.

Anyways, can the PBA possibly erase this contest from existance before everyone realizes just how desperate they are to retain viewers and / or customers? Or, quickly award PBA MB User “The Plow Pharaoh” with the award and close the kindergarten games already.

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Nationals – Out-dated set-up.

I’ll give credit where credit is due.

However, it won’t be happening on this post

USBC Nationals, and I guess league bowling in general, is just outdated. I am specifically referring to the team event portion of the competition, which is a un-even 5-man team.

This is what happens every year, and it bothers me to no end. You get a doubles partner, then you team up with another duo for 4 people.  But wait, you need 5 people total!  So you gotta get that extra 5th wheel to tag along. But wait! If that person wants to bowl team, you have to submit their team’s information as well, in what can only be a total logistical nightmare.

I’ve got a better idea.  I say screw tradition, and let’s re-organize this.  First of all, create an online registration process for heaven’s sake. You shouldn’t have to get that 2-page pamphlet thingy from your local dive of a bowling center to sign-up for Nationals – you should be able to do it online (You should also be able to sign-up and walk-up the day of, but it’s late right now and I wanna go to sleep, so I don’t wanna go too deep here).

Next, cut the 5-man team non-sense, and go to a 4-man team event. It’s just a pain in the ass to continue to get that 5th bowler to tag along, and it’s also more efficient for everyone to just have 4 people bowling.  The event will run smoother, the registration process will improve dramatically, and it will just provide a better overall bowling experience. 

What do you have to lose? Aren’t entries dropping like flies? Try something new. Now that two old USBC executives have retired, let’s get some young people in there who are innovative enough to try the 4-man team event at Nationals.

More tomorrow after some amount of sleep.

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