Voss is not Boss.

I keep hearing a lot of talk about everyone wanting Brian Voss to become the next commissioner of the USBC.

 Uhhhh…..WHAT?

Brian Voss is quite possibly the worst possible candidate to be USBC commissioner.  First of all, what type of leadership experience does he have?  “Well he was in the military”, some of you may say.  That’s not enough. 

But second, and most important, he has dug himself a large hole as being far too controversial to even seriously warrant consideration for holding “the high chair”. Controversy, ridiculous comments, unfounded conspiracy theories, and the like are best left to people such as myself and Larry Litchstein. You simply cannot post on the PBA message board, petitioning to “ban” all reactive resin / particle bowling balls.  That’s not your place (if you want to be commissioner).  You also can’t wag your finger at the camera with your mug right in front of it saying “Ban sanded bowling balls” (not a direct quote, but something to that effect vs. Chris Loschetter in the PBA World Championship a few years ago).

To be a commissioner, you need to be fair, diplomatic, and never, EVER, lose your cool, even before you are commissioner (years before). Brian Voss is 0-3 here. I also think he’s unprofessional.  You don’t like the way things are going?  Bite your fucking tongue, or take matters up behind closed doors. You know exactly what you are doing by making comments into the camera and posting on the PBA message board. On another personal note, I think you got exactly what you deserved – losing your exemption, and it was sweet how it happened, too.

Let’s wake up people – Brian Voss is NOT a good candidate for any executive position in bowling. But go ahead, promote / hire him, I’ll have mountains of new stuff to bitch about

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Groupies = Ratings!

PBA Message Board member Katman2000 hits the nail on the head when opening up this post:

http://forum.pba.com/ultimatebb.cgi?/ubb/get_topic/f/1/t/005375.html

Which asks the question: “Are there any hot groupie girls active on the PBA Tour?”

This is fundamentally important, as it’s the third most important and sought after thing in organized sports. When a young man (who’s hit puberty) starts dreaming about becoming a sports star, he thinks of three things:

1. Money
2. Fame
3. Girls

If the PBA tour had some high-quality groupies that hit on PBA players, the PBA would see a drastic surge in attendance, sales, participation, and off-the-lane scandals.  That’s it, that’s what they need, an off-the-lane scandal, like when Brian Kretzer had his hit & run incident during the 2005 US Open that the PBA desperately kept under wraps.  (As of today I have 15 Subscribers to this blog, so the word is out now suckers!). We need someone like Tommy Jones or Sean Rash or even Mike Machuga to bang a hot groupie, and possibly impregnate them.

I mean, this IS your grass-roots program. Throw money around like Pacman Jones makes it rain, get hot women knocked up, which leads to notoriety (or being notorious, either way it’s better than what you have now). I love this idea.  There should be at least 1 story of a player fucking a groupie chick on the road during every event of the season, without fail. 

Extra PBA season points if the PBA player is married, and double points if he has kids. Make that triple the points if the wife finds out, causing a domestic dispute involving the police. If a player knocks one of them up and needs to hold a press conference with his wife, apologizing to the world about it, then that player is exempt next season.

Now the question becomes “How do you get hot sluts inside of a bowling alley?” A valid question, but answered easily: Pay Them. Pay some hot chicks to not only sit front row during a telecast, pay them to do whatever they have to do to get a National Touring Player to knock them up. Then, the PBA’s marketing department needs to blow it up all over the internet.

Let’s go PBA, make it happen – this is your best grass-roots program!

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Finish This Already.

Have you been on the PBA.com site lately?  Check out the image towards the right hand side of the page.  It goes here:

http://bowlspace.com/finishwork/index.html

Now I understand it’s the off-season, so they’re looking for a way for people to get involved with the PBA in between seasons, but give me a break.  What kind of Mickey Mouse stuff is this?  Post your choreographed post-strike celebration?  Retarded.  My favorite comment about this whole thing comes from the post on the PBA Message Board by “MTEAGLE2147″:

http://forum.pba.com/ultimatebb.cgi?/ubb/get_topic/f/26/t/007185.html

 He says, “maybe the winner of the contest should be EXEMPT next year “.  I literally LOL’ed at that – maybe because I know the PBA is retarded enough to consider actually granting an exemption to the person with the best “finish work”.

Oh, and don’t get me started on the Exempt Tour.  Wait…this is MY blog.  Please, someone get me started on the Exempt Tour, as I have Uber-amounts of bitching to do about it.

Anyways, can the PBA possibly erase this contest from existance before everyone realizes just how desperate they are to retain viewers and / or customers? Or, quickly award PBA MB User “The Plow Pharaoh” with the award and close the kindergarten games already.

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